Not much was said in the long car ride to the hospital. April had tried to converse me, to take my mind off it and even to reassure me but I was firmly zoned out the window. I watched the beating rain turn the bitumen into a gleaming, black slate as the car sped through, sending layers of water onto the sidewalk. No body dared be out in this, save the homeless seeking refuge in public barbecue shelters and in the more metropolitan areas, out the front of takeaway stores.
April's car pulled to a stop in the hospital car park and we both got out of the car. Thankfully, the car park was under cover and we were sheltered from the heavy downpour, though the bashing on the corrugated iron was borderline deafening. Still silent, we began walking towards the automatic doors of the hospital. "I can't believe this is happening..." I mumbled, almost to myself. April grabbed hold of my hand and squeezed it. Her hand was soft and slightly warmer than I expected. It made me feel slightly less edgy and I managed a weak smile and a glance her way.
"I don't even know what to say Jason, this is horrible. But i'm sure something will be learnt and that in the end it will be okay," she paused. "Cliche, i know. But sometimes, cliches are that way because they are true."
"I hope so, its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel now..." I trailed off as we entered the hospital. The fluorescent lights of the lobby blinded me at first and i felt myself actually shielding my eyes from the light to my embarrassment. There were only a few people present on the waiting chairs which was to be expected given the time on the clock read 11:03 and it was still only Thursday. No doubt if it was Saturday night it would have been packed. We walked over to the service desk where the middle age receptionist sat at her computer, busily typing something. In a matter of seconds, she acknowledged us, asking "How can i help you?" with a warm, inviting smile on her face. I told her about the phone call i received and she knew straight away who i was looking for. She made a call and another nurse approached us from a corridor to our right. She had an empathetic smile on her face as she told us to follow her down the corridor to the emergency wing. We past several other ill people in rooms with their doors ajar, most of them just staring at the rain beating on their windows. The whole atmosphere here was very somber, more so than you would expect from a hospital.
"This is it," the young woman said as she opened a door on our right. I could barely force a sound from my throat as i attempted to thank her, so i nodded for clarity. April, whom had been holding my hand the entire time squeezed a little harder. I looked at her and she smiled back, her eyes glistening somewhat radiantly in the artificial lights of the hospital room. I found myself smiling back before i even thought to make a response.
"I'll wait outside, you call me if you need me," she said kindly, kissing me on the cheek and releasing my hand.
"Thank you," I replied, entering the room.
Joel wasn't awake when i walked in. He was lying flat on a white hospital bed which was propped against the wall. The bedside table had nothing on it, no flowers and no cards and it probably would stay that way for the duration of his treatment. There was a woman who, judging by her white coat and clipboard she was jotting on, was a doctor.
"Hello Mr. Springstein?" she asked. I nodded.
"My name is doctor Martinez. Your friend Joel here is in a stable condition and no longer in need of life support," she informed me.
"W-w-what happened?" I questioned, staring at the life support machinery by his bed that i had not noticed up until now.
"He was brought here in an ambulance. He was conscious at this stage, this is when he asked us to call you. Only a short while after that, he suffered a mild heart attack which we were thankfully able to revive him from."
"Heart attack?" I asked, puzzled.
"Yes, its a common symptom of methamphetamine overdose. He is lucky he got here so fast,"
"Where was he?"
"He was found outside Scottsdale Primary School on a bus stop bench. A passer by saw him and the needle on the ground and called us when they couldn't wake him." We both looked at him resting in silence for a while.
"Okay, he shouldn't be out for much longer. I'll leave you with him," she left the room. I sat down on the arm chair provided for visitors and put my head into my hands. I was now completely emotionally and physically drained, i needed sleep. I began to sob, slowly at first without my realization i was doing it. There was no particular reason that brought me to tears, it seemed that everything had mixed together to create this black hole i felt i was now in. I knew it was selfish, but i needed to let it out. I wanted so badly just to rest and to be out of reality at this point, but i knew it was a wish that would not be granted.
April must have heard my crying because she entered the room and without a world, walked to the other side of the room where a plastic chair was for other visitors, picked it up, placed it next to me and sat down, placing her arm over my shoulders and pulling me towards her. She was so warm I felt as though i was a child again and this woman was going to protect me from the evils in the world.
After some moments i controlled myself and withdrew my head from her bosom and turned to Joel. He still lay there, breathing regularly. Sweat had began to form on his face, he was obviously to hot which was odd considering the room was fairly cold.
"She said he is going to be okay," I told April. She smiled in such a delightful manner, i actually felt my aching body warm a little.
"You see? I told you," she replied in a semi-mocking tone. I appreciated the attempt to cheer me up but was unable to show it with anything but a contorted smile. The thoughts circled my head. Was I responsible? Could I save him? I felt a wave of anxiety creeping on like a dark veil shrouding the world around me. I couldn't take it anymore. I looked around the room and saw Joel's jacket folded in a chair on the other side of his bed. I went over, picked it up and began to search the pockets. Sure enough, on the inside pocket of his fo-leather jacket was his hip-flask he always had on him and this time, it was surprisingly full.
"What are you doing?" asked April with a concerned expression on her face.
"The only thing i really can at the moment," I replied, zoned out on the flask in my hand. I needed this now, the walls had began to shrink around me or I had began to expand. It was an all to familiar feeling of complete helplessness. The fear was immense. I opened the flask and chugged down the entire contents in about ten seconds. Almost immediately i felt my throat, followed by my stomach, grow warmer. I let out a very faint chuckle as i internally compared the sensation to April's smile previously. I returned to the seat next to April, her eyes now staring directly ahead of her. Clearly she didn't approve of the decision i just made, but who was she to judge me? She hardly knew me and i wasn't feeling anyway inclined at this stage to put my best self forward to her. As a matter of fact, it hardly...
Joel murmured something and April and I both rose to our feet as he regained consciousness.
"It's alright," i assured him as he tried to sit up. I gestured him back onto the bed. He looked around the room as if he were on some hostile alien world; panicked the evil inhabitants had discovered his whereabouts. His face slowly became less uneasy as he began to realize where he was.
"I'm... I'm sorry," were the first words he strung together, seemingly against his own will. I don't think i had ever heard him say that.
"It's okay mate, Jesus..." I replied, realizing i hadn't actually figured out what i was going to say to him. I felt the vodka warming my head now and the weight of the world was growing lighter on my shoulders. Either that, or i was getting stronger.
"...Why?" I finished, not having a better way to put it.
"I... It's hard, ya know?" I knew. I knew exactly what he meant. I knew about his father's disappearance when he was nine. I knew about his mother replacing his father with various forms of cheap wine. I knew he couldn't stand being there and how conflicted he was over resenting and loving his own mother at the same time. We didn't talk about these things, but i knew.
"Yeah, I know things aren't easy for guys like us kid... I should've answered you, i'm sorry... I was just..."
"Pissed at me?" he finished my sentence. I nodded.
"I know, i deserve it sometimes. I know i'm a fucking train wreck and that all of this shit is selfish but..." he trailed off. We just stood there for a good minute in some kind of limbo between one another, awkwardly clueless as to how to convey proper emotion to each other. It was one of the many social dysfunctions we shared, thus a fundamental element to our relationship.
"So this is the chick from the other night?" he asked, breaking the silence like a mallet on glass.
"Yeah, last night. This is April," I told him. They exchanged smiles.
"Hey," April said. It was to be expected their introduction was going to be awkward after all that April had seen of him and Joel's general uneasiness towards women.
"Hey," he replied, looking down to his hands which he had now released from to blankets and was twiddling nervously.
"I'll give you two some space," said April after several eternity-long seconds. She then turned to me "I'll be outside when you're ready."
"Thank you," i said. I then realized just how good she had been about all this for a practical stranger and felt somewhat guilty for my previous angry thoughts.
"I really appreciate everything..." i said, looking her in the eyes.
"It's fine Jason. Just you worry about your friend," she replied, turning and exiting the room.
Joel and I talked for probably ten minutes about what he was going to do now. He told me he wasn't going to do it again and he just needed to go back to Dr. Cooper for his medication and some further counseling. I believed him for the most part but insisted i come with him just be insure that he did. He then told me he would be fine in the hospital and tomorrow his mother would come and pick him up, though I offered to find a way to get him. There was no way he would want to explain this to her, especially not alone. It would always end up about his father and eventually, he would be blamed for it all. For as long as i had known him this was how their relationship worked. Constant emotional warfare where they both lost their minds with each other and in the end, both sought comfort in some substance or other. This wasn't the first time he had been here and I had a feeling it wouldn't be the last...
April's car pulled to a stop in the hospital car park and we both got out of the car. Thankfully, the car park was under cover and we were sheltered from the heavy downpour, though the bashing on the corrugated iron was borderline deafening. Still silent, we began walking towards the automatic doors of the hospital. "I can't believe this is happening..." I mumbled, almost to myself. April grabbed hold of my hand and squeezed it. Her hand was soft and slightly warmer than I expected. It made me feel slightly less edgy and I managed a weak smile and a glance her way.
"I don't even know what to say Jason, this is horrible. But i'm sure something will be learnt and that in the end it will be okay," she paused. "Cliche, i know. But sometimes, cliches are that way because they are true."
"I hope so, its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel now..." I trailed off as we entered the hospital. The fluorescent lights of the lobby blinded me at first and i felt myself actually shielding my eyes from the light to my embarrassment. There were only a few people present on the waiting chairs which was to be expected given the time on the clock read 11:03 and it was still only Thursday. No doubt if it was Saturday night it would have been packed. We walked over to the service desk where the middle age receptionist sat at her computer, busily typing something. In a matter of seconds, she acknowledged us, asking "How can i help you?" with a warm, inviting smile on her face. I told her about the phone call i received and she knew straight away who i was looking for. She made a call and another nurse approached us from a corridor to our right. She had an empathetic smile on her face as she told us to follow her down the corridor to the emergency wing. We past several other ill people in rooms with their doors ajar, most of them just staring at the rain beating on their windows. The whole atmosphere here was very somber, more so than you would expect from a hospital.
"This is it," the young woman said as she opened a door on our right. I could barely force a sound from my throat as i attempted to thank her, so i nodded for clarity. April, whom had been holding my hand the entire time squeezed a little harder. I looked at her and she smiled back, her eyes glistening somewhat radiantly in the artificial lights of the hospital room. I found myself smiling back before i even thought to make a response.
"I'll wait outside, you call me if you need me," she said kindly, kissing me on the cheek and releasing my hand.
"Thank you," I replied, entering the room.
Joel wasn't awake when i walked in. He was lying flat on a white hospital bed which was propped against the wall. The bedside table had nothing on it, no flowers and no cards and it probably would stay that way for the duration of his treatment. There was a woman who, judging by her white coat and clipboard she was jotting on, was a doctor.
"Hello Mr. Springstein?" she asked. I nodded.
"My name is doctor Martinez. Your friend Joel here is in a stable condition and no longer in need of life support," she informed me.
"W-w-what happened?" I questioned, staring at the life support machinery by his bed that i had not noticed up until now.
"He was brought here in an ambulance. He was conscious at this stage, this is when he asked us to call you. Only a short while after that, he suffered a mild heart attack which we were thankfully able to revive him from."
"Heart attack?" I asked, puzzled.
"Yes, its a common symptom of methamphetamine overdose. He is lucky he got here so fast,"
"Where was he?"
"He was found outside Scottsdale Primary School on a bus stop bench. A passer by saw him and the needle on the ground and called us when they couldn't wake him." We both looked at him resting in silence for a while.
"Okay, he shouldn't be out for much longer. I'll leave you with him," she left the room. I sat down on the arm chair provided for visitors and put my head into my hands. I was now completely emotionally and physically drained, i needed sleep. I began to sob, slowly at first without my realization i was doing it. There was no particular reason that brought me to tears, it seemed that everything had mixed together to create this black hole i felt i was now in. I knew it was selfish, but i needed to let it out. I wanted so badly just to rest and to be out of reality at this point, but i knew it was a wish that would not be granted.
April must have heard my crying because she entered the room and without a world, walked to the other side of the room where a plastic chair was for other visitors, picked it up, placed it next to me and sat down, placing her arm over my shoulders and pulling me towards her. She was so warm I felt as though i was a child again and this woman was going to protect me from the evils in the world.
After some moments i controlled myself and withdrew my head from her bosom and turned to Joel. He still lay there, breathing regularly. Sweat had began to form on his face, he was obviously to hot which was odd considering the room was fairly cold.
"She said he is going to be okay," I told April. She smiled in such a delightful manner, i actually felt my aching body warm a little.
"You see? I told you," she replied in a semi-mocking tone. I appreciated the attempt to cheer me up but was unable to show it with anything but a contorted smile. The thoughts circled my head. Was I responsible? Could I save him? I felt a wave of anxiety creeping on like a dark veil shrouding the world around me. I couldn't take it anymore. I looked around the room and saw Joel's jacket folded in a chair on the other side of his bed. I went over, picked it up and began to search the pockets. Sure enough, on the inside pocket of his fo-leather jacket was his hip-flask he always had on him and this time, it was surprisingly full.
"What are you doing?" asked April with a concerned expression on her face.
"The only thing i really can at the moment," I replied, zoned out on the flask in my hand. I needed this now, the walls had began to shrink around me or I had began to expand. It was an all to familiar feeling of complete helplessness. The fear was immense. I opened the flask and chugged down the entire contents in about ten seconds. Almost immediately i felt my throat, followed by my stomach, grow warmer. I let out a very faint chuckle as i internally compared the sensation to April's smile previously. I returned to the seat next to April, her eyes now staring directly ahead of her. Clearly she didn't approve of the decision i just made, but who was she to judge me? She hardly knew me and i wasn't feeling anyway inclined at this stage to put my best self forward to her. As a matter of fact, it hardly...
Joel murmured something and April and I both rose to our feet as he regained consciousness.
"It's alright," i assured him as he tried to sit up. I gestured him back onto the bed. He looked around the room as if he were on some hostile alien world; panicked the evil inhabitants had discovered his whereabouts. His face slowly became less uneasy as he began to realize where he was.
"I'm... I'm sorry," were the first words he strung together, seemingly against his own will. I don't think i had ever heard him say that.
"It's okay mate, Jesus..." I replied, realizing i hadn't actually figured out what i was going to say to him. I felt the vodka warming my head now and the weight of the world was growing lighter on my shoulders. Either that, or i was getting stronger.
"...Why?" I finished, not having a better way to put it.
"I... It's hard, ya know?" I knew. I knew exactly what he meant. I knew about his father's disappearance when he was nine. I knew about his mother replacing his father with various forms of cheap wine. I knew he couldn't stand being there and how conflicted he was over resenting and loving his own mother at the same time. We didn't talk about these things, but i knew.
"Yeah, I know things aren't easy for guys like us kid... I should've answered you, i'm sorry... I was just..."
"Pissed at me?" he finished my sentence. I nodded.
"I know, i deserve it sometimes. I know i'm a fucking train wreck and that all of this shit is selfish but..." he trailed off. We just stood there for a good minute in some kind of limbo between one another, awkwardly clueless as to how to convey proper emotion to each other. It was one of the many social dysfunctions we shared, thus a fundamental element to our relationship.
"So this is the chick from the other night?" he asked, breaking the silence like a mallet on glass.
"Yeah, last night. This is April," I told him. They exchanged smiles.
"Hey," April said. It was to be expected their introduction was going to be awkward after all that April had seen of him and Joel's general uneasiness towards women.
"Hey," he replied, looking down to his hands which he had now released from to blankets and was twiddling nervously.
"I'll give you two some space," said April after several eternity-long seconds. She then turned to me "I'll be outside when you're ready."
"Thank you," i said. I then realized just how good she had been about all this for a practical stranger and felt somewhat guilty for my previous angry thoughts.
"I really appreciate everything..." i said, looking her in the eyes.
"It's fine Jason. Just you worry about your friend," she replied, turning and exiting the room.
Joel and I talked for probably ten minutes about what he was going to do now. He told me he wasn't going to do it again and he just needed to go back to Dr. Cooper for his medication and some further counseling. I believed him for the most part but insisted i come with him just be insure that he did. He then told me he would be fine in the hospital and tomorrow his mother would come and pick him up, though I offered to find a way to get him. There was no way he would want to explain this to her, especially not alone. It would always end up about his father and eventually, he would be blamed for it all. For as long as i had known him this was how their relationship worked. Constant emotional warfare where they both lost their minds with each other and in the end, both sought comfort in some substance or other. This wasn't the first time he had been here and I had a feeling it wouldn't be the last...
